When Disagreement Is Labelled As Dishonour

This might get uncomfortable, but it's not a bad thing. Sometimes, honest conversations can make us squirm, and that's where we have a choice to allow ourselves to grow and be better.

Many of us want to talk about church hurt, but it's a very nuanced topic with many layers.

First, we need to remember that church is not a perfect place - in fact, it's filled with broken people just like us. The heart behind this conversation isn't to fuel gossip or create pity parties, but to broaden our perspective beyond our personal experiences, hoping that honest reflection brings healing and unity rather than further division.

Does disagreement equal dishonour? And what happens when we act like it does?

The language we use matters

"Submit to authority." "Honour your leaders." "Don't touch God's anointed." These biblical ideas carry weight, but they can turn into weapons when used to end discussions. Jesus showed submission to the Father while speaking truth to religious leaders. Paul respected authority but challenged Peter "to his face" when needed. What might change if we were more truthful about why we reach for these spiritual phrases? What's really driving our responses to disagreement?

What's in our hearts?

Whether you're a senior pastor, church leader, or a member, what's really going on inside when we raise questions or respond to them? Are we truly trying to help, or nursing hurts that have hardened into bitterness? When we notice ourselves becoming defensive or quickly dismissing other perspectives, it's worth pausing to examine why. This defensiveness might signal we're protecting something beyond the truth itself - perhaps our position, pride, or past wounds.

God alone truly knows our hearts. Do we rush to label questions as "dishonour" just because they make us uncomfortable? Are we raising issues because we genuinely care about the church's health, or because our ego is bruised? And when we catch ourselves storing up complaints, rehearsing arguments, or gathering supporters before direct conversations, we've likely drifted from healthy dialogue toward patterns that damage the body of Christ. These are deep heart questions that we definitely need God's wisdom and the Holy Spirit to navigate.

When we're honest about our own hearts and what's driving us, we build something real together - a church where people can speak truth without walking on eggshells and show grace without burying problems.

Trust goes both ways

Church relationships involve real power dynamics. Those in leadership positions need to make space for honest conversation. Yet the truth is that everyone feels exposed at times - leaders whose choices are questioned, members whose concerns might be brushed aside.

God's Word gives us examples of both submission and healthy questioning. In Acts 15, we see communities where questions were welcomed and leaders listened thoughtfully. In Galatians 2, Paul shows how confrontation can happen respectfully. Moses challenged God's initial judgement on Israel. Abraham bargained for Sodom. Nathan confronted David about his sin with Bathsheba. Jesus taught submission while confronting corruption.

These biblical stories push us beyond simplistic rules about honour toward deeper relationships built on both respect and truthful conversation. Have we created places where this kind of trust flows freely in both directions?

A better way forward

I pray that this challenges all of us to look inward, whatever our role in church life. Do we help create environments where honest questions are welcome? Can we spot the difference between personal attacks and genuine concerns? Do we approach disagreements respectfully, aiming to strengthen rather than tear down?

The way ahead isn't found through silence or conflict, but by being courageous enough to speak truth and humble enough to do it with honour. It requires us to stop labeling sincere disagreement as dishonour and to resist gaslighting those who raise concerns. Let's make room for both honest questions and deep respect - a space where we can speak up without fear and listen without defensiveness.