Do you ever find yourself replaying and reliving the details of the deep hurt in your life? The horrific season. The conversation that stunned you. The day your loved one walked away. The hateful conversation. The insults. The taking of something that should have been yours. The day everything changed.
We understand this kind of devastation in such a personal way. Staying here and allowing such events to define your life will only increase the pain. Worse, it will keep projecting out onto others. The more our pain consumes us, the more it will control us.
That person or people who have hurt you, have caused enough pain and damage for you. They have taken enough. You don't have to hand over what's left of you, you don't have to be held hostage by the pain. You get to decide that you want to move forward. You get to decide how you will move forward.
But how exactly do we do that?
You pay a price when someone hurt you. You pay double when you carry that pain inside of you, and it causes you to say/do things you wouldn't otherwise say/do. True, you may think getting back at them will make you feel better in the short term. BUT in the long term, it will only cost you more emotionally and spiritually.
Do not trade your peace, maturity, spiritual progress, integrity and all the other beauty you add to the world just to add a little suffering to the other person's life.
Forgiveness doesn't let the other person off the hook. It places them in God's hands. As you walk through the forgiveness process, it softens your heart. Over time, you'll discover a softening inside of you that desires for no more hurt to occur at all – not for yourself, not for them, not for anyone else involved.
2. It's not always about reconciliation.
The purpose of forgiveness is not always reconciliation. Sometimes, not keeping the relationship going might just be the better option after all. The point of forgiveness is to keep your heart swept clean, cooperating with God's command to forgive and keep yourself in the position to be able to receive God's forgiveness.
Forgiveness does not always fix relationships, but it does help to mend the hurting heart.
3. They are suffering from pain too.
The person who has hurt you also experienced the pain in order to make the choices they had to make. The one who caused the pain in you is also in pain. No humans get through life without being deeply, deeply hurt at some point. Grief finds us all. Allow your compassion to never refuse to forgive someone who has hurt you.
Have compassion for their pain, have compassion enough to help your forgiveness be genuine.
The heartbreaks you carry are enormous. And if no one else has ever told you this, let us be the first – I'm so, so sorry for all that's happened to you.
We pray that this will be an encouragement to you: Healing is possible. Progress is possible. But we have to believe it, embrace it, and live it. And we will be right here beside you for the journey. *hugs*