I’ve always been very driven, and my belief was that we have ‘no time to waste’ here on earth. Everything needs to be well-planned and executed according to my timeline. Let’s go, fast, chop chop, quick.
When things often don't go as planned, I’ve found myself questioning if God loves me.
‘If He loves me, wouldn’t He want me to be happy?’ ‘That’s such a great plan, why isn’t God going to bless me?’
‘Isn’t that a great purpose/plan?’
What silly questions, but they hold so much weight for me then because even though I knew God makes all things beautiful in His time (Ecc 3), I never quite accepted or internalised that truth.
Growing up in the Christian faith, I wouldn’t say I’m unfamiliar with the term, ‘Promises of God’. We sing about it, hear it being preached, and even pray about it countless times. To me, the promises of God felt like an ideal destination - like, once I’m in that promise, I would have reached my highest point of success. But in recent times, I find myself asking these questions a lot:
“Does God really have a promise for me?”
“What exactly is this supposed promise I have to hold on to?”
“Will I ever live in the great plan God has for me?”
When the prayers you’ve been earnestly and desperately praying for a long time get just a, “Wait”, or worse, complete silence, it’s really hard to let the importance of this term settle into your heart.
God is our Power Source. He is the perfect and on-time Source for everything you could ever need or want. The only catch is you have to receive Him as your one and only Source by faith. The Word of God will renew your mind, feed your faith, and get you where you need to be; to receive all that you need. If you allow Him, God is able to do more than we ask or think, and His power is working within us on a daily basis. So how do we plug into God’s power for our lives?
Our culture now tells us we have to live up to a certain standard - have a large amount of money in our banks; attain a high ranking job; have a huge social media following or ‘likes’ on our posts - in order to be “successful”. I’m not saying those are wrong to have. But as I pondered about it, I questioned myself, “Do these really form the foundation of identity that God has meant for me?”
Growing up, I had often wondered how life would be like if my dad was still around. Would family breakfasts and dinners still be a thing? Would I have done better in my studies because I didn't have to worry about finances? How would it have felt like to have my dad walk me down the aisle? What would he have said during my wedding? Would he have cried? How would the relationship with my dad have looked like as an adult? What kind of career advice would he have given? Would he have been proud of this school, this course, this job, this man, or this decision I made? How would it have felt to use the word ‘dad’ again?